I.
I am what I am.
Listen.
Your ears won’t hear me
****
I am what I am.
Though you would have me
pinned to a wall
like a butterfly in a glass case.
A woman should not move.
Should not want to fly.
II.
I am vulnerable,
I don’t show.
You see wilderness.
Both are mine, and mine alone.
I am fierceness,
to hide the softness away.
You see it
and think: I have defined her.
Yet
I am hard work and labour.
This you see,
and accept it is my true value.
I am joy
and laughter, and ecstasy,
but my tears
have brought you discomfort before.
III.
You only see a tree in the forest.
Sometimes only a modest leaf.
I am the forest itself.
Darker, powerful.
I have fears. Fantasies.
I am light and desire.
***
Once I read:
“A woman’s heart is like a deep, deep well”.
And the hopes and the fears
I cannot share
crash into your walls
and like an echo they
come back distorted,
amplified.
Meaningless,
unfruitful.
You think we share in the loneliness.
You know me not.
IV.
For you
I should be a butterfly
fixed with a pin
to a glass case.
I haven’t been able to fulfill your dreams.
YOUR dreams.
Listen to yourself.
***
It is a waste of time to cultivate
soul and intellect.
When I should be striving to be captive.
One day like the one before.
***
I never quite understood
how pain could be perpetuated.
How can one wish pain
wish ignorance
and oblivion to another?
V.
My dreams are not yours.
Were things done on your terms?
Did love play a part?
Love’s the only answer I’d take from you.
Love’s the ultimate sacrifice.
It is worth it all.
VI.
Don’t try and make me live
the life that you chose for yourself.
Don’t try and live your life
through me.
The Starcatcher 